41st Annual Spoon River Scenic Drive

WARNING THERE WILL BE FOOD DISCUSSED!

PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOUR HUNGRY!

October is almost here again, and for me another Birthday! I will be 31 year's old this year, and I don't care I just wanted to see what it looked like in print. All year I have been telling people I already was, so in some kind of odd way it will be like I didn't age at all. My B-day falls on a Monday this year, so I hope it's not"Just Another Manic Monday" Ha Ha !

I think this Birthday I'm going to set my alarm clock to the exact time I was born. Get up and just go Waaaaaaa! Then go back to bed. No I'm just kidding, three-something in the morning is too early for me to fake a cry!

One thing I have usually looked forward to is The Spoon River Drive, and last year one of the day's happened to fall on the day of my introduction to earth in this body."The Drive" start's on October 4, 5th and the next weekend after.  

It has been awesome in the past, and I am psyched up about all the WONDERFUL FOODS! At the Orchard Hill Farms, or the "Apple Place" you can get Grilled Po Cho's! Pork chop's for people who don't speak Wes, they can be plain or with Barbecue. They have burger's, Brats, and hot dog's on the outside of the joint.

Then you enter the inside and find a little piece of heaven, because they have Apple everything! A couple of my favorites Hot Apple cider, and homemade "Apple Butta"! They have several types of jams or jelly's. Homemade jars of honey, and relishes. I make the stop there for PICKLED BEETS! Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Orchard Hill Farms: (309)-547-3221

Not to get off track, but when I think of theses "Scrumpshalessant" treats, I think of my Great Grandmother Mernerva Jane Watt. She used to make the Best Beets, and had a secret recipe that I will get off my Mom soon! I can't forget her homemade pies, and chicken noodle soup. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm! 

Now back to The Spoon River Drive I can't to forget to mention they have garage sales for over 100 miles in Illinois. They have nice shops and some vendors in these towns that Edgar Lee Masters wrote about in "The Spoon River Anthology".

The tree's are beautiful and views our breathtaking. The people are overall friendly, unless you are going to purchase something they want! Ha Ha

They have many events in many town's, but call me lazy. I typically stick to my same path, where it is a little more laid back, and closer to my family. They have gone for year's too, and last year on my birthday my wife and I ran into my Great Uncle Jim and Aunt Brenda. It was the first time they met MJ and it was a highlight of my day.

I like to go to Dicksen Mounds State Museum, and go to the roof and look across the lands.If you get a chance to stop in Lewistown, IL explore it once and you will see why! It is place I have been going since childhood, and it holds many memories. I can remember rolling down the big hill with my brother and sister. We called it "picnic hill" because we would bring all the fixings. Lay a blanket down and eat together as a family.

Dickson Mounds State Park:   (309) 547-3721

Year's ago when the Native American's thrived, most of that area was covered by water, so they traveled by canoe. They lived on the high grounds, and they buried their dead in the surrounding area in mounds. It holds a little piece of history, and happiness from my past. I can't forget to mention the abundant wildlife nearby.

I stop at many of the houses and towns along the way to the fairgrounds. They have all kinds of things, but I stop for the Candy! They have had many types of fudge, taffies, and brittles. In the past they have had giant corn dogs, funnel cakes, and Lemon Shake Ups. Too much to name, but Do Not Fill Up there, for there are a couple more towns nearby. I believe it is the town of Bernadotte that has one of the best Candy Shops, if I'm wrong it is the town of Duncan mills.

I must be getting tired if I can't remember which one it is? So, before I go I want you to know that along this stretch you can just about find any thing . Providing you beat other's to it. I have been going for over 2 decades and have never been through the whole thing yet. I try to make it the least like a "Walmart" feeling and more like a "Wes Smart" occasion.

Like I said I mainly go to eat, and create memories with my loved one's . Even if they would rather do something else. Ha Ha

I have been known to purchase a few things along the way, that wasn't food. I love books, old things, and Record Albums. I usually end up buying things for other people, because I have always liked to share a little of the Spoon River Drive with other people. One of my favorite memories was when I was a small child, we made a stop at an old Church/school house. When I went inside there were books everywhere, and they were closing soon. So, my family and I loaded up the station wagon, and I mean loaded it up. We had them in our laps, and on the floorboards.

I ended up getting most of the National Geographic's that were ever published. It was a great way to see the world from the past to the present. I believe that is one of the reasons why I wanted to become an archeologist! I can't forget to mention that was where I got my first poetry books. Also my first copy of  The Godfather!  HaHa

It can test your patience sometimes, and it can be very busy! It can be "Priceless" but well worth it. It just depends what you are looking for and kind of mood your in. I have not mentioned several interesting places, and several things you can do. So you might want to go to spoonriverdrive.org  and then try the Tour Info. 

Before I go, I wish to say thanks to all my loved ones and to say thank you for all that you do!

I wish to say thank you to all who read this ramble, and to say thanks for listening.

So, Cap'n  have a fantastic morning, and an Amazing day!  Arrrr!

Peace and Love,

Wes

  

Tags: A Road Trip for my heart, mind, and STOMACH!

Wanting to blog!

I have a good entry coming! But must find the time, but things are really hectic! I will return later tonight, if I am able. My duty calls right now, and I must go! So I will say Good morning to my Reader, and have a spendid day!

Blessed be,

Wes

Tags: MJ, Bills, and Family Crisis!

If Only Shot's Could Tickle!

I just back from the Doc's office, I had to take MJ for a check up and some shots. I know I have to make sure she is healthy, but I don't like it when she cries. I don't enjoy her painful faces, and fear. She does not like going to the doctor's, and I can't blame her.

MJ is only a year and a half, but I make sure tell her where we are going. I say I love you and be strong for daddy. I do love how she comes to me for Protection, and gives me the look of hero. Good thing she doesn't know I Arranged it to happen, to stick a needle in her legs. I'm waiting for the moment when she gives a kiss on the cheek, and says daddy I know it was you! (Here's where you here the Godfather music playing) I do know if she want's me go fishing with one of her friends later on in life, I will have to Refuse the offer.

Right now she sleeping, correction she is now awake. I will be back to journal  later. Because if I don't Stop now I will be sleeping with fishes!

Ciao,

Wes

Tags: The Doctor's Office, and my Family.

Another Depression?

I try to get a handle on my emotions the best I can, but I am human. I don't like the way life is sometimes, but I love my life. We are trying to help other's with their plates, while trying to finish what is on our's. I have a handful of people who help me out in this crazy world we live in.

We live in a Insane Asylum, and the trick is to keep sane. There are too many people walking around in straight jackets. What is scary is that some of them are wielding axes ready to decapitate us.What is even more frightening is we put some of them into elected offices.

We the people hand them are checkbook's and don't ask questions. I have lost count of how much money has been spent on what. I have lost count of how much has been lost or stolen. If we did, it would make our heads spin like in the exorcist. I just wish that Americans would stand up for what remaining rights we have left after the last seven years.

The Economy for example:

They want us to say "Here's 700 billion dollar's" " Do what ever you want!" I know we our damned if we do and damned if don't. I just can't stop thinking about that scene in "Animal House", the scene with Kevin Bacon. Where he is getting hit with a paddle and says "Thank you Sir!" "May I have another?" I just feel like the United State doesn't need any more spankings, let alone the Earth.

I just realized that even the economy connects back to Kevin Bacon. Who would a thunk it?

Now to get back to Yahoo Freak in Serious! I predict that one day in the future when we have no other choice, we as a society will work together. I pray that I'm wrong about no other choice. I cling to the hope that society is generally good and genuinely cares about humanity's future. I only wish that we get a leader who cares about "We the People", and not just big business. I hope one day we can win the War on Separation, and heal the heart's of mankind.

Accentuate the positive,

Wes

Tags: Money can't buy you love!

A Toast To Summer!

Fall is officially here!

I just came from outside, I was looking at the Summer sky. I was staring at the countless stars, and enjoying the years last summer night. Thinking about the time my father and I watched Haley's Comet in 1986. I remember him telling me "that it was something special, that he has the chance to see it with me". "That if I was lucky I would get to see it return, and watch it with my grandchildren". I cherish that moment with my Dad, and will always think about it when I see the night sky.

I took the time to reflect on this Summer, and realized that for me it will go down as one of the best. I was lucky enough to enjoy it with my family, and it wasn't too hot either. I got to go swimming with my wife and daughter. Watch a couple movies at the Drive In, and see some fireworks. Play in the summer rain, and watch Malayna's face as she smiled at the fire flies, butterfly's, and bee's. "Bzzzzzzz"

We took the time to smell the flowers, and count our blessings. Blew giant bubbles in the yard, and laid a blanket down and I read her books in the summer shade. We took countless trips as a family to many parks, and Malayna went "Weeee"  I gladly witnessed my father enjoy the summer with MJ, and the other Grand kids. Stroller ride after stroller ride. "Go Go Go" "Weeee"!

I may not have went to my usual places this year, but found happiness in my heart. I found confort in the memories that I shared with my family. I have learned to enjoy every moment of my life this Summer, even the one's I had no control of. I feel my soul has grown stronger by being a father, and sharing parenthood with my wife Lisa. I am so proud of her for what she has done as a mother, and wife! She sacrifices so much for us, and provides the love that a home needs. We will be here for her always, and will love her. I will try to return the favor, and unconditionally love her.

I say Fall is a very enjoyable season, but it hasn't always been kind to me. It is the season that brings great changes, it usually comes with difficult emotions. When the leaves drop to the ground and the Autumn chill sneaks up the back of your shirt, it whispers in your ear. "Winter's coming"!

For almost a solid decade it has allowed me to be a pallbearer many times over, and it has taken away friendships with the whirling wind. That's okay because "Once a Friend Always a friend"  and the memories will remain in my heart.

Now for the short list of good things:

We get to break out the sweaters and pants. We get to dig out the coats, hats, and gloves we hardly get to wear. We get to witness the Autumn colors from the forests, and the sky's. They can be very bright and filled with wonderful hues. It allows us to break out the Hot Cocoa, and Hot Apple cider. We get to watch football, and stuff ourselves like turkeys. Fall allows us to dress up and be silly, and devour lot's of candy. It allows me to go to the lake and watch the eagles fly, and film them in the tree tops.

I know this fall I am piling up some leaves, and playing in it with Lisa and Malayna. We will dress up this year and go Trick or Treating. We will go on a hay rack ride, or two. Lisa and I will go to some haunted houses. In two weeks Lisa will bake me a cake for my Birthday, and I LOVE HER CAKES. They are so moist, and scrumptious!

NBA basketball will be starting up soon! The World Series will be played, and the Cubs "Curse" will be lifted. If the Sox can do it, why not the Cubs? I know what I just said sounds unbelievable, but anything is possible. Being a Chicago sports fan I just don't get my hopes up. When I say a Chicago fan,I really mean the Bull's. My wife and I have been waiting to see them redeem themselves after last season.

We will have a new President chosen, unless we have another "Too close to call" situation. I think many people across the world will rejoice after W leaves the White House. I know I will do the "Dance of Joy" with my family. Then we can all chant together "Get out of the city"!  Ha Ha.  If you are as big as geek as my wife and I, you'll be able to tell what those apples are from?

I know given my life patterns during the season of Fall, I will try to make the best of it. I will maintain a high spirit, and keep my smile. I will make it the best Autumn I ever shared with my loved ones, and remember that Life Is What It Is Sometimes!

Sometime soon we will have to set the clocks back! "Spring forward and Fall Backwards"

For all of you who have reasons to feel like I have about this particular season, please follow my lead! I know things are easier said than done, but I have faith that this year it will be splendid. Love will keep us smiling, and love will keep us warm. I will wrap my self up in happiness, and love for my family.

We must have reasons to love all four of Earth's seasons. If we didn't have the changes in our life cycle, we couldn't appreciate the one's that we miss the most.  

Enjoy the beauty,

The Fall Guy 

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Tags: Sports, candy, cake, and change!

A Good Life!

I have had a good couple nights with my wife and daughter. We went to my dad's little get away by the lake, and cooked over a campfire.We spent some quality time together as a family, and when MJ went to bed we listened to Bob Marley. We had a couple drinks, and fell a sleep to a movie.

Today we went to an Native American Art show in Springfield. It was nice to share a little culture with Lisa, and MJ. There was some beautiful paintings, and jewelry. I really loved the head dresses and instruments. I purchased a Dance Rattle with a buffalo painted on it. We got a couple T-shirts, and then got something to eat.

Later on in the afternoon, we dropped MJ off at my sisters. She was having another B-day party for our niece Cassie. I was nervous about leaving her there with all the older kids, but I have to let her grow up.

Alright! Lisa and I have a couple hours to do something together, and we wasted no time. We decided to go to a movie, but all the movies we really wanted to see were already playing. So we chose The Disaster Movie, and it was funny in parts. I simply enjoy her company, and love to hear her laugh. I love holding her hand in the darkened theater, and sharing laughs with her. 

After the party we arrived home, and played with MJ. She finally passed out, and we laid in bed together. We watched some of Farm Aid 2008, and some of the new SNL. Then we held each other in bed, and loved each other. It was a wonderful evening, and I'm looking forward to spending the day with my family. Who know's what the day will bring?

One thing is for certain, we will make the most of our day. We will try to do something outside, for it is the last day of summer. We will find peace in what ever we decide to do. Speaking of the day, it's already here! I must leave it at this for now, but will try to write something tonight.

Blessed Be,

Wes 

Tags: movies, love, and good company!

On the Road Again

I woke up to my daughter saying " Daddy wet!" "Daddy Juice please!" "Daddy up please!", how could I resist. M.J is going to be 18 months on the September 22, and she has a decent vocabulary. Her phrases have been beneficial to our days, for example she let's me know when she is wet. She let's me know if she is hungry, or wants to go somewhere. Over all she can communicate with me, if not by word, by her gestures. I even got her to say I love you in sign language.

Being a parent I have noticed she will do things for me, but not in front of other people. I get a kick out of her silly little laugh, and the other day mom got her to snort. I love when were on the way somewhere, we will both hum, or sing to songs. We got her singing parts of  the B 52's songs, "Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah". One of her favorite Cd's is the Best of the Animals, and her favorite is The Curious George Soundtrack.

People look at me while I drive through town like I'm insane, because they are too busy to notice our daughter in the car with me. They can only see me making faces, and my silly head dancing, and me occasionally looking back at her, when I'm stopped at a light.

The other day I was listening to Bob Dylan, and I heard her play my Harmonica exactly like the song? She plays better than me when I started as a teenager. I hope she will sing as lovely as her mother when she gets a little bigger. Lisa can sing like an angel, and even better than most women ever played on the radio! At least M.J and I get at home concerts. When we first dated, many people got a chance to her sing, but she was in the shower. I put the phone up to the door when she didn't know it, until one time she had an "Herbal Essence" moment! "Aaaaauuuuhhhhhhh"! Just kidding!  Ha Ha Ha.

Actually one of my relatives let it slip that I put the phone to the door, and she asked me never to do it again. So, I haven't since, but I still sneak a listen. Sometimes we sing songs together to our daughter. M.J loves it and so do I. We have even sang some songs from "The Sound of Music ' with her, and it was fun. M.J's favorite style of music is from the 1930's and 40's.

We dance together almost every day, and it like magic. It is a good feeling to know that right now I'm the man she dances with, and looks to for support. I hope when she grows up to be a women that she will still want to dance with me, and look for me for support sometimes. I'm looking to far ahead, I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore. She is still a baby, but she is getting big too fast! In the words of Stevie Nicks "I'm getting older too".

After I mowed the lawn tonight and visited some with Lisa, I went out to eat a supper by myself. I almost forgot what it was like to go eat a meal, and sip a cherry coke uninterrupted. I took my notebook, pen, and a book to read. I found a quiet little corner to do my thing. Next thing you know all the tables and booths filled up around me, and I didn't care. I just kept writing the thoughts from my mind, and would take a bite. I would write, and then take a sip. 

I almost forgot to mention a couple odd things about my late supper, I ordered a  Mushroom and Swiss steak burger, and some cheese fries. After my waitress Alyssa left, I remembered I should of asked for A 1 Steak sauce. So, I asked her if she could please get me some when she had a free moment. She returns and says "We don't have any, that they ran out." it isn't a big deal. But would you ever think that a Steak & Shake would not have any steak sauce? In the words of Jerry Seinfeld "Who are these people?"

As I sat there I noticed that my waitress was serving four other tables besides mine. I noticed that each table had different types of people. One table was a big family who didn't know what they wanted, so she visited them three times before they had an order ready. The other table was a smaller family, which the mom kept yelling at the kids. "That's too expensive" "Order something else" "No you can't get a shake" and that when on for minutes. Meanwhile Alyssa just stands patiently waiting. The third table is demanding why haven't you taken our order, and what is taking so long? After it is all settled, and she returns to me for a refill. The third table is yelling " This is cold!" Put in the microwave!". You get the Idea. Alyssa was so relaxed and kept her composure.

I decided that when she wasn't looking I would grab a comment card, and tell her boss how well she did under that kind of pressure. Let someone know how well she took care of all her customers. I couldn't find one, so I asked a person at the register for one. He couldn't find one either, so he yelled for a comment card. They couldn't find one in the whole joint? I was so determined to let someone know of her actions. In the end I tipped her well, and told her to her face how well she had did, and that I appreciated it. I usually just fill a card out without the person knowing who praised them. I realized that it probably meant more coming from the horses mouth.

On my way home I was at a light, and I sat there in the car for at least 5 minutes before I decided to back up and get in the right lane to turn. After I got back on the road I noticed the light hadn't changed yet, it was a good thing I decided to circle around. I turned the stereo up, and listened tomy Best of Tom Petty. I felt the cool breeze on my head, and sang to thee songs.

I wanted to get home to see my family before it got to late, and they would be in bed a sleep. I made it home in no time, and put the key in the door. I made my way to the room to discover the two of them a sleep. My two sleeping beauties, they are so cute and cuddly.

I must have Waltermittyinidus, my mind wanders to other things too easily. Back to our day, we went shopping for some outfits. I got her a white shirt with a pumpkin on it that says "Daddy's Little Pumpkin" and orange pants with leaves on it. I got me some fall shirts, and a pair pants. Later we went to another store and I got her a couple more outfits. One is a blue hooded sweat shirt with blue sweat pants, it will go well with her beautiful blue eyes. The other is a Winnie the Poo hooded shirt that she picked out her self. I almost forgot to mention that I finally replaced my ratty old wallet I've had for years, and it is about time. I don't know what I'm going to do now that my money and ID's will stay in there now.

Please forgive me for this, I know the above section should be a the front, but I am getting too tired to correct my order of events. Thanks for bearing with this loopy Yoda like of a human being. In a nut shell I had a good day today, despite spending money on the same day as G. W. Bush gave his "Economic Pep Talk". Ha Ha!

Here is a quote from a movie: "Look at me, I'm a nut!" "I'm in a shell" "How did I get in this shell?" If I didn't mess this quote up, can any one guess what it is from?

Aaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,

Captain Loren Wesley

 

Tags: Shopping, singing, dining, and laughing

Finding Happiness in all things.

The last couple days have been very peaceful, I have spent the time with my daughter doing things before fall arrives. We have been like two peas in a pod, sharing laughs. We went to Washington Park in Springfield, it was where my wife Lisa and I got married in 2000. I remember the day like it was yesterday, we had a freak ice storm on March 18th. It prevented some of the guest from making it, so it made it a little smaller than we wanted. It is better safe than to be sorry! My fiance was so beautiful that I could not take my eyes off her. Lisa wore a blue flowered dress, that matched her wonderful blue eyes. She had a bouquet of white daisies, and a smile more beautiful than any flower! We only invited a handful of people, it consisted of mostly immediate family. My niece Emily was the flower girl, and my Dad my Best Man.

I did it again, I was talking about our day at the park, I will continue this story in a future entry. What I was going to say was that I will love Washington Park forever, no matter the weather.

It started off with my usual dirty diaper change, and then we were off. We went over to the pavilion, and I took a couple pictures of M.J. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining down on us as the wind gently blew. We talked to many people along the way, and watched all the wildlife enjoy themselves. We saw turtles, squirrels, ducks, swans, and a fox.

People jogged, biked, and walked their dogs. Elderly couples held hands, and kids laughed at nothing. I walked our daughter down the hill, under the aged shade trees, and through the park. We made our way to the water to feed the water fowl, and she was overjoyed."Duck" "Duck"! "Quack"! We passed over bridges, and took a little break by the carillon.

M.J had her juice and I drank water as we watched the hummingbirds drink out of flowers. I gazed at our daughter as she watched the colorful butterfly's play in the air."Fly" Fly" "Bttter fly"! I love how kids smile after they discover they can say a word.

We made our way up the little hill so dad can finally use the bathroom, I mean she could play at the playground. It was a very nice kids park, it had slides, swings, and many other things M.J's too little for. The sounds of kids happily playing, and the smiles from Grandparents, it made my heart smile.

Malayna made a friend in no time, a 2 year old named Hanna. They followed each other around the playground, taking turns on the slides. They climbed a frog and a dog together. I conversed with her Pa Pa, while they laughed and got to know each other by playing together. I was nervous, because it was the first time I've seen her play with a stranger for more than a couple minutes.

I stood a safe distance away from her to protect her, far enough away to allow her grow up. She is getting big too fast, and afraid of nothing. Even if she inherited the family clumsiness, she runs up and down slopes. She tries to climb everything in her sight, and runs at full blast. I met  a lot of nice people out and about this week. I shared some incredible memories with her this week.

We do the best we can without Mom in our daily lives, but soak her up at night when she comes home. We have watched a couple movies this week, one of them being Starship Troopers 3. It was so ridiculous that we could hardly make fun of it, the film did it to it's self. Tonight the Love Guru with Mike Meyer's, I will let you decide if you like it. I will say this, it is not one of his best, but found myself laughing some. I grew up watching him on SNL, doing outrageous skits. So I can not compare his work on the show to some of his movies

I'm still waiting to see MJ's commercial from the other day. She was so cute, if I don't see it tomorrow. I will have to call the place to find out when it will air. Got to go, because the morning has snuck up on me. I will have to get up soon and take care of our little superstar.

Before I go I wish to tell all the people in my life thank you, and I love you!

Bless You All,

Wes

Tags: Sunshine, smiles, and Ice storms.

White Lihghts, Camera Action!

We had lots of family over on Sunday, and it rained seemingly forever. My dad started having nurses come to his house to assist him over this last weekend. He had to stay in the hospital last week to have his feeding tube in, he can still eat some foods though. Within the last few days I have noticed his hair loss, and that he has lost a few pounds already.

He says it's going to worse before it gets better. Still I can't get used to seeing Superman get beat down by the kryptnite called cancer. I feel joy inn his high spirits, and that family, friends, and strangers have been there for him. I never really knew that the treatments could make someone as energetic sleep so much.

My life has been so stressful, and draining the last few weeks. I feel like I need to get away for awhile, and find myself again. I feel I need to go somewhere nice for a few days, and build my energy back up. The problem is I don't really have anywhere to go to do this, and a place I could take my daughter along with. Like I'm going to call an old friend and say can my 17th month old, and I stay at your place for a few days.

I suggested this to my father and he said I was just running away, that if I did I would loose my wife, and everything I have for a family. This statement lacks personal details I wish I could discuss. I feel he is partly right, but also think if I go he will miss my daughter and I. Running away is not my plan, I just want to find something beautiful that our daughter and I could share.

Now if I left I would feel guilty leaving my family in this time of need. If I left I would be leaving my wife in the hands of a recently separated, three timing cheater she has made friends with at work. I would be depriving my daughter from seeing her family while we were gone.

I know given most of the facts I still wish to find some peace, but I will make it happen around here. No body has to tell me what I've know for years that our problems follow us where ever we go.

It is already September 16, it is almost my best friends Birthday. My friend Doug died a short while ago, I knew him since 1992. We used to hang out every B-day, then mine 2 weeks later. I am saddened for the fact that this will be the first one we can not do our usual get together. I will be sharing it with his twin brother instead, and going to find the time to visit his mom. She is a very special lady, a woman who would become my second mom.

My brother Don's 10 year death anniversary is coming up on November 8th, and I know it is on most of my family's mind. I will try to be the strength for my family again, and I will try to give the same support they need in these times of trouble. I have always found the strength inside to help others cope, but have struggled to keep my own balance.

I'm not saying these thing to be sad, or negative. But merely expressing how I have always tried to be there for family, and friends. Expressing how I want to be her for my family, and that includes my self. I'm so conflicted, and probably don't make much sense right now. The funny thing is I have found happiness that I didn't know I could find out of such a chaotic chart. I have found peace within myself on things I didn't know I needed to.

I have found love in all corners of my house, I have found love in my heart for self. I find it when I leave the house to pay a bill, get groceries, or go play with my daughter. Just today I lost count of all the pay it forwards I shared with others. I talked to several strangers that seem like angels, and felt no negativity in my path.

My daughter and I went out to eat at a Buffet today, and had someone come over and ask if MJ wanted to be in a commercial for the place. We were there eating any way, so I said alright. The only problem we had was we stayed for about three hours, and by the time they filmed us she was full. So I coaxed her into eating two bites of Ice-cream, had they only filmed minutes before.

She was a doll today, MJ said many words. We sang a few songs, read some books, and played some games while we waited. My favorite thing about the moment was when she squeezed me tight, and said "Mine". What she said was a very true statement, because no matter what I think, she owns me. No matter what happens in life, I will always be hers.

Whatever happens in our families future all the happiness, laughter, memories, and good times will always be ours. The special moments will echo forever in our hearts and minds. They will help the soul glow even brighter, and give us the strength to carry the weight together. I pray for all those in need in this world, and for my family. I pray it is not to late to make things right for the one's I love.

I wish to thank all my loved ones for everything they do !

 

Thanks,

Wes

Tags: friends, family, angels, and a Star.

Spiritually Being.

It has been a very long week, my wife has been away at classes since Monday morning. She will be returning home in the early afternoon, my daughter and I missed her dearly. She left for more reasons than the classes, she also needed to be. She needed time to think, to find herself in this crazy world. My wife was only about 45 minutes away, worst case scenario about an hour, but sometimes it seemed she was on another world. What she already knew before she left, was that training classes wouldn't be enough, it couldn't be the serenity she required. It couldn't be the "Calgon Take me away!" I hope she at least enjoyed the time away from our daughter and I . The time to just be!

I know for whatever her reasons truly were, it gave me time to spend with our daughter. It gave me time to reflect on my life, and what I have done with it. It gave me time to think about the choices I've made in the last 10 years. The goals my soul has kept alive inside. It allowed me to realize that I need to perfect my soul, and complete the charts that I helped write for my loved one's and myself. I need to keep faith in my heart at all times, especially when it comes to my family. It allowed me to see that the only person I need is myself, and everyone else I  love, and Want to spend my life with.

Don't get me wrong, I'm merely saying that it is up to me to be happy, and to assist others who want to be happy in life with me. I have been blessed to have so many good people throughout my life, and in my life now. I have had time to see that I have been too hard on most of the people I've known, and too demanding of the world. It is easy to blame others, when we are unhappy with ourselves. We must first find our inner peace, before we can begin to be happy, and allow others to share life's journey wholeheartedly. It is too easy to shut out the ones we love, because we question our life the way it is right now.

The ups and downs in life is like a roller coaster, it is fast and sometimes scary, but we must enjoy this ride we call life. We mustn't take people for granted, or look at just their faults. I know with my family they are far from perfect, but have loved me the best they can. I have to cut them some slack, because sometimes it is hard on this Beautiful Ugly Earth. Assumption is the mother of misunderstandings, and doubt is the fugly cousin to fear. Lies are the drunk brother to self destruction, and manipulation is kin to insanity.

Some people like to stir the pot in white souls lives, we mustn't give in to temptation, and be like them. We must stay true to ourselves, and to our loved ones. We must stay strong and keep positive about the things we have no control of. Sometimes life will be what it will be. I know for certain that I'm on my path, that I will not be branded, or lead like sheep. I will wake up every morning with the knowledge that my family loves me, and more importantly that I love my self.

I can see the future sometimes, and other times it has been fear for the future. Sometimes I can hear my intuition like a whisper in my ear, and sometimes it is my human Swiss cheesed brain telling me insecure facts. That is why it is important to have loved ones in your life that can be honest with you, no matter the rhyme or reason. People on this earth are supposed to love thy neighbor, so why try to conceal common sense.

Then I would like to discuss the heart, for it is beautiful. It can feel all emotions, and it can help solve human riddles. It is the paint to our canvas we call a brain, and together it can help our soul grow. The heart, mind, and soul is our body's trinity, without it working as one we can not see. That goes for society, families, and our own individualism. I know that life holds great darkness, but love is brighter than the stars above. We should work together to make our future more beautiful than the Gods intended.

I want to take the time to tell the people in my life I'm proud of each and every one of them. I can see the strength of their souls braking through their flesh. I can feel the pride inside them, and to let them know I appreciate their efforts in this life. I promise to try my best in every thing I attempt, I will no longer do it half-ass ed. I will except life the way it is, and when I don't reach the summit. I will stop and take a deep breath , and try to find the purpose, and approach it from a different side of the mountain.

I wish to share the journey with my wife, daughter, and the rest of us imperfect family. If any body ever needs my shoulder, ear, or my hand, just reach for it. It will always be here, and my love. I sincerely wish people could forgive me for my past, and only look forward to our future. I will one day return the favor, but until then I will continue to try. I know from this week I gained strength I forgot I had, and will only get stronger every day of my life.

This week has been soul strengthening and happy/sad. This coming from a man who is watching his father slowly die from cancer. His wife choose a cold hotel room over his warm heart. Going to the dentist and getting a tooth removed, and raising our daughter. I have bonded even closer to our daughter, and to others in my family. I have found positives out of lies, fear, sadness, pain, grief, and uncertainty.  

I can't wait to see my wife tomorrow, and to spend a loving weekend with her. To create some good memories with our daughter. To assist in her inner peace, and try to let her be. To thank her for the chance to discover myself, and to realize just how beautiful and special life is. To be reminded of all the amazing things she does for our family when she is here.

Thanks,

Wes

 

Tags: Cancer, the dentist, and walmart walk in to bar!

Right Now, I'm Chasing My Souls' Shadow

I started this journal to feel better about my life, and share it with other good people. Since I have created this journal I have only had one person comment, and possibly visit it. That's fine by me, because if others think their shit don't stink, or they are better than me. Who cares, because I don't. Maybe my education and grammar isn't perfect, but my thoughts are my own. Just like most people, I have my own problems, and I must deal with them. I must stay strong, and find myself in this crazy world.

I must stay strong for my family, and myself. I must keep faith in my heart, and stay true to myself. Most of my life I have cared too much of what others think of me. That is going to stop, my sadness must end! I am tired of thinking of others first, when my life is in need of major repair. I will try to make the best of my life, regardless of my circumstances, or my mistakes in this life.

I have been frozen from my own fears, and pains. I have just floated by in my life, never really trying my best. I left it up to others, and god to put me on course in the path of my life. I have counted too much on love, faith, and the loves of my life, to keep me happy. When in fact it has been me who has kept me sad, and from being happy.

I have always looked at he world with rose colored glasses, despite of the realities of this world. I have kept faith in mankind to make this a better world, to create a utopian society of some sort. I have fear for my child for she inherits the earth that all of us have built. I must do the best the best I can for her, and my wife. I must accept life's cycle, and find what happiness we can find.

I will not accept defeat, but find a happy place for my loved ones, and I.What I have realized in the last few days is I should enjoy my daughter, wife, and myself. While we are still a family. I'm struggling with the fact that life as I have come to know it could end tomorrow. No matter how hard I try, no matter how sorry Iam for any mistakes I have done. Most importantly how much I love my wife, and the hopes of our happy future.

In this life I have lost most of the people I loved the most, the ones who were there for me, when I needed them most. It is scary knowing I could lose my father to cancer, my wife to doubt, and my daughter to my own despair. It is very frightening how weak my heart, mind, and strength has been. Optimistically, I feel I have done better than I could have, considering my last couple of kindred souls might be just a memory.

I have no choice but grin and bare it in this life. The good thing is I have realized that no matter how much you want the simplest things in life, such as a hug, a touch, or to be loved in the ways your soul needs, it is up to me to make it happen. I don't need others to be happy, or to be loved. I only need myself  and try my best for me, and I pray that others can be strong enough to take life's journey by my side. Patient enough to wait for me to find myself in this life.

I am human, and make mistakes. I can be impatient, or demanding of others. I will give my full effort to be a better person, to be stronger for my loved ones, and myself. It is a lot easier to say, or type these things, than it is to do them. I will do the best I can to survive the tests in life, and more importantly stay true to my soul. I will try to forgive others, and myself for being human. To give the love we all deserve, and to sometimes let people simply be.

I have never wanted to hurt anyone, or to become a symbol of sadness. To feel like a plague to others, or myself. Since I was a child I have only wanted peace, love, and happiness for all. Today I wish for the same thing, but to be symbol of joy. I wish to be a breath of fresh air, and to be happy. I will try to allow others to find themselves, and patiently come to me for what ever it is they need.  

I have struggled with the fact that life is what it is sometimes, and that reality, love, peace, and happiness can differ from the ones you love the most. That sometimes I won't be the person, place, or thing they want the most. That sometimes I won't be their hero, friend, lover, or their happiness. I must keep trust, and faith in others and in my heart! Strength, and hope in my mind! Acceptance, love, and happiness in my soul. For my family, and for myself! 

Before I go, I wish to tell my family thank you for everything, and I love you all more than love itself!

May life let us be,

Wes

Tags: Let it be, a happy journey!

I Go Down To the River To Pray.

   I sit at the computer, and really don't know what to say. The last few days have been tough, it has been a struggle to find the right words. I feel cluttered by my emotions, and smothered by my thoughts.

   I have been far from being myself, and very worried. I wish to discuss what has been taking place in my life. I wish to journal about my life,my problems , and my fears.

   But, I would only sound like a "Debbie Downer", or I would hurt somebody I love by revealing facts. I am conflicted, because I feel partly to blame.

   I have been dealing with things I thought were only insecure fears, but have come true. To make matters worse, I have had problems accepting it.

   They were caught in a lie again, I only discovered it by trying to find logic in something. Since then they have been overall sorry, and have been even kinder to me.

   I have been an ass lately, because  now I feel I like can no longer trust people. They seem sorry, and I love them. But to me I have trusted and been lied to by most people I've known. 

 For me it is very easy to forgive, and seemingly impossible to forget. I love this person dearly and would almost do any thing for them. My feelings for them haven't changed, but my heart feels wounded.

   I know I can trust them again, but feel I have handled the matter poorly. I know this about a convenient truth, but all I ever ask from people is honesty.

   In my life, I have been a liar, In my past I used lies to void out the dullness in my life. I have lied to myself several times, I even white lied to my parents growing up.

   For instance, someone's cooking could be horrible. Yet, I have said "What a delicious meal!'

When I could have been honest in the beginning, after all its just food.

   I am stressed, Did I just say it's just food? I'm stressed for many reasons, not just this matter of ethics in my heart. 

1. My father's cancer.

2. Sam our ferret died last night.

3. Everyday problems.

4. Too many to name.

   My life is like strong river, it tosses, pulls, pushes me forward. It beats me against the rocks, trying to drown me. Then it can be quite peaceful, gently floating down stream.

   Before I know it I hear the sound of a waterfall, and then suddenly pulls me down.

  When I reach the bottom battered, and bruised, I climb to the side, and pull myself up. By doing so, I noticed that when I looked up at the falls, I saw rainbows gushing down.

   I realize I'm part of the river in life, without me what would it be. I choose to go with the flow, and to take dry land when I see rapids.

   I'm privileged to ride the river wild, and to one day be taken to the sea of truth. Guided by natural forces, and granted by god to grow.

   With that being said, I wish to stay positive in life. I wish for good health for my loved ones, and my self. I wish for a healthy environment for all life, and our souls.

   I will have no choice but to trust in life, and in the ones I love. I think the hardest part will be trusting that I will stay true to these words.

   I wish I could tell you all what went down, or how I feel I have failed this person I love. If only you could give me advice on what you think I should do.

  I know what I'm supposed to do, but feel too emotional. I feel lost, not knowing what they will do. I care about them so much. I could not stop caring, or quit on the future. I don't want to ever say what ever will be, will be.  

   I would prefer to break the walls that stand in between us. I choose to hold on to the love we have, and hold onto everything good.

   I would rather say, We can conquer this wild river together! Life is what it is sometimes, and I will try my hardest to make it a peaceful journey.

Thanks for listening,

Wes

 

Tags: Rivers, truth, love and faith

Peacful Poem's

Early this morning I wrote a few thoughts about summer, and what it meant to me. I mentioned shade trees, and the Forth of July. It reminded me of some poems that wrote  years back, and now I would like to share them with you.

FINDING SOME SHADE

The sounds of the trees blowing

The leaves falling

It makes me happy knowing

Knowing mother nature is calling.

Calling me

She is everywhere

In a tree

In the sky

Often I find myself going to the woods.

Not really knowing why

Feeling all  emotions, and different moods

Looking at the flowers

Walking in the woods for hours

Glad to be out and free

With my mind at ease

Finding peace, while I read a book under a shade tree

 

CONNECTING THE DOTS

I Look up at the mystery.

The Endless space and stars above.

It Provides me a riddle  before bed.

I Look up at the mystery.

Countless stars and endless mass.

A riddle before my sleep.

I Gape at the mystery.

At the planets and bright stars above.

I Let  my mind connect the dots.

It allows my soul to find the pieces.

To the night sky that is my puzzle.

It is etched deep within.

It's beauty is mapped in my head forever.

At night when I pray, I thank god for the stars.

I thank god for the heavens.

I thank god for creating such beautiful things.

Here is one that I wrote to capture a splendid evening with my wife and niece Cassie on the Forth of July. It was our first Independence Day after 911 happened.

LITTLE MISS LIBERTY

The night begins to swallow the sultry summer day.

Crowds of people sit with anticipation, looking for bright ideas.

Families bringing all the fixins', wearing the fragrance of potent bug cologne.

I see a few people sitting alone.

It is mainly old men, wearing a grin.

A smile so grand, most likely from the reaches of their past.

They hold their heads up high looking to the sky.

On Independence Day, we are all common.

Ignited, excited.

We are forged as one.

United we watch.

Sitting next to me, I see little miss liberty.

She is dressed in red, white, and blue.

Absorbing all the attention she can .

Laughing, playing, and waving our flag.

Wave her high!

I am nestled next to my wife, and guardian angel.

Who would not feel free?

Looking at the divine colors in the sky.

With the shrill sounds of fireworks,

Little miss liberty does not flinch.

Marveling motionless, seemingly like a statue.

Blue eyes bursting with joy.

Leaning into her parents, with her head thrown back.

She does not blink, nor cry.

Her soul is not of property, only freedom.

Little Miss Liberty,

with eyes so wide and wondering.

Now for the grand finale, a barrage of sonic booms.

How they loom through the smoking sky.

Erupting sheer surprise.

Her eyes filled with innocent shock.

Then suddenly applause flew in with the gentle wind.

Sparking cheers and cries.

Little Miss Liberty was filled with raw emotions.

With every burst brought a new one.

I again realized adults and children can easily be vexed by vibrant visions.

There stood Little Miss Liberty, looking around.

She was elated by it all.

I am certain, in the years to come, she will no longer need persuaded.

One thing is definite, this Fourth of July never fell short of bright blessings.

7/7/02

 

May your day be bright,

Wes

 

 

 

 

Tags: trees, fireworks, and riddles.

Summer's Almost Gone

   I love the summertime, I think of my childhood. When we would do family things together, might it been swimming in a nearby river, or going to the drive in. We would go get ice cream, or over to the local A&W, and grab some burgers and fries. 

  My father knew the man who owned and operated it, his name is Don. They knew each other from way back when, he is still alive, but his children run it now. What made it so special, is that it is the original food and style of Menu.

   But if you look for it in Pekin, Illinois, it is now called Cranwell's Drive In. It still has the same food only a different name, I will make a couple more trips before it closes,because it won't be open until spring. My daughter,wife, and I will have a Root beer float, and some chili cheese dogs, etc.

   Sorry, I did it again, I started thinking of all the food, and got away from my point. I will think with my head, and not my stomach. That is why I will not bring up the State Fair, other than say the word Fair.

  I can think of too many things to mention, but will say this, I enjoy the summer, because of the variety of things to do with your family.

  I love going to the Blues Festival's, Native American Pow Pows, and taking hikes in a beautiful forest.

  I know I can do some of those things all year round, but Summer is a special time of the year. We have the Forth of July, picnics, and camping trips.

  I am the type of person who loves nature, and loves watching the spring buds on the trees, turn into foliage.

  Think about it, if there were no trees we would not have shade. If there was no shade, where would I read my book, or put my blanket?

  Where would we have that peaceful picnic on a hot summer day? Where would all the birds go? They would not have too many places for a nest. That would be a shame for people like me, I'm the type of person that looks at birds for enjoyment.

  I love gazing in the Summer skies, at a beautiful sunrise, or a breathtaking sunset. Going on a morning walk, to witness a sky filled with wonderful hues, that are seemingly endless. The kind of skies, that burn deep into one's soul.

  I never tire at the night sky, I still get lost in space. I look up at the heavens every night, and thank god for the magnificent sky! I make my way to the swing on the back deck, with my glass of iced tea, and recite the constellations.

  I usually wonder how many people still look up at the stars, and really appreciate them.

  Throughout history they have been admired, and used as guides. I fear that today's generation has little use for them.

  I love the sounds of crickets chirping, all frogs croaking, and the simple sound of rain drops hitting the ground.

  I love the smells of a roaring campfire, and the divine taste of smores. The sound of an owl hooting, or the howl of the coyotes.

  The mornings chorus of birds, chirping, and singing. I love the smell of the woods, upon waking up in the morning. The smell of the morning fire, with bacon, eggs, hash browns cooking. I mustn't forget the coffee, "It's the best part of waking up", sorry I think I will have that song in my head forever.

  I enjoy a good canoe ride on the lake, or the nearby rivers. It feels very freeing to be in the middle of the lake, with the fish jumping beside you. It is a special place to be, when the flowers open on the Lilly pads, and the sun set reflects on the water.

  I enjoy going to the park with my wife and daughter. We usually hit the swings first,it is our favorite thing to do. I love seeing their smiling faces as they go up and down. I love hearing the laughter from that tickle in her belly, the sounds of excitement.

  It is truly wonderful to see such joy! I never thought that something as simple as swings and slides could possess such magic.

  I think of Summer cook outs, with music playing loud in the background, as friends and family converse about life. The aromas of the feast passing by all our noses, sound of the grease dripping on the bottom of the grill. Mm mm, Mmm, Mmmmm, MMmmmm, Mmmm, mm Mmm!

  That was just my best typing impression of the the seen in "What About Bob", when Bill Murray is at the dinner table with Richard Dryfuss, and his family. If you haven't seen this movie, please give it a looks see.

  I could talk about Summer until next summer, so I will try to wrap this up soon.

  I remember playing Baseball with my brother, and friends. Most of the time we didn't have enough players, so we would spread out, and play without a catcher. It was a lot of fun growing up, because about a quarter mile from our house, we had a Basketball court, 2 baseball diamonds, a play ground, and place to play hopscotch.

  We would go to many ball games, because our whole family belonged to some kind of league. You would see me running to the concession stand, with the pocket change I called an allowance. Buying cotton candy, popcorn, Bazooka Joe's, eating Laffy Taffy's, and nachos.

  When we were kids, my brother and I would mow lawns, weed yards, clean gutters, and sell fruit and veggies out of our own garden. We were very motivated kids, at the ages of 7 and 9 we made $5000.00 one summer. We lived very close to a busy lake, and sold night crawlers at 60 cents a dozen. 

  We even detasseled in the summers, for those of you who don't know what that is. It is simply pulling the tassel out of the centers of cornstalks, and sometimes around the bottom of the stalks. Besides it being extremely hot, it really wasn't that bad. We learned a lot of funny jokes, and made many friends out in the fields.

  There is more to this topic, but I will discuss it some other time. 

  I can remember when I was a child, we would go to the park. We would fly kites, blow bubbles, play "Ring around the rosie" and play with the metal detector. I never found any buried treasure, but found some great memories with my family. The type of memories, I would like to create with my own wife and daughter.

  When I close my eyes I can still see my father jamming to CCR, Buffalo Springfield, and the Doors, cooking on the charcoal grill, and my Mom playing with us kids. I can still feel the cool water from the sprinkler, or our slip and slide. I can still smell the suntan lotion, and the chlorine from the pool.

  Don't get me wrong I love all four of our seasons, and could find good things to say about each one.

  Right now I'm focusing on Summer because its almost gone. I know it will return, after the leaves change color and fall. After most of the trees become naked, and snow falls to the ground.

  After we bundle up, and scrape the ice off the car. After the buds,birds,and bees come back. After I find my moral mushrooms, and flowers start to bloom. After we put the heavy cloths in the closet, and bring out the shorts, t-shirts, and sandals.

  I will stop there, because Summer is still here. All I can say is to enjoy the remaining days, and to make the best of it.

  Trust me, when I say I will!   

 

Peace and Love,

Wes

 

 

Tags: stars, smores, and family

Alisa Amazing

AKA,

I have been looking through some of my old writing, and realized that I would rather say what's on my mind. I would prefer to swing from the hip, and add a little zip from my lips instead. To try to pull something out of my head, heart, and soul. From that I don't know where this will go.

What is on my mind is my family, and how I will have some much needed time with my amazing wife. She has been overworked, stressed, sad, and tired. Recently, she has needed me for love and support. For reasons I shall not mention. It has been a long while, since she has truly needed me.

That alone has been a blessing to my heart and soul. My main concerns have been for her health, happiness, and comfort. I just pray that I have been as helpful as she for me!

When I say need, I don't mean she is weak. If you knew my wife she is far from needy, she is strong, and independent. Lisa is my hero, she remains true to herself even when she doesn't have a clue. When she is pushed by the currents of life's sea, she can keep her head above the water, so she can still breath.

Together we three can set sail to any destination we choose, or when the wind blows so hard it puts us off course. With her in our lives, she will make damn sure we find our way.  She has an intuition greater than a compass, clearer than amap, and more powerful than any storm.

 Lisa has taught me lessons in love and life I didn't know existed. Knowing her has slowly taught me to be a better man, and how to take a deep breath to relax, when life gets me down.

She has held my hand countless times, and hugged me when I needed it most. I have tried to be there for her in times of trouble, like she has done for me.

If only I was a mind reader, I could have been there a lot more, and sooner. I could have given her what she thought she needed, when she could not express her pain.

Lisa is human, and she is a beautiful soul inside. A soul so bright it shines brighter then the heavens at night. A soul so true that truth would seek her advice.

A heart so large, and kind that any Tin man would rust to dust from joy.

Lisa has a voice so sweet, and lovely. For when she sings that angels applaud her with their wings.

She has a way with words that invite the Dictionary, and the Alphabet to come N play.

For me it is easy to speak of her in a loving way. It is our blessing to know her, and to witness her love daily. I know being by her side in life, everything will be Ok.

I love sharing a bed with her at night, she is the greatest feeling I've ever known. It feels nice to hold her tight, to caress her face. One of my favorite things is when we rub our feet together.

I can't forget to mention an amazing kisser, the first time I kissed her I saw sunflowers.

 I could go deeper on the matter, but will keep it atJust her feet.

Lisa is a Super Mom, she has a special gift with M.J and our nieces and nephew too. She has everything that a child could want from a mother, and then some.

 She takes care of our daughter in ways, that I could never duplicate. From the singing to the laughing, the joy  that she creates by entering a room.

She has a love for our daughter and our family, that would make cupid cry.

There is not enough time or paper to explain all the things she does, or all the things she does for MJ and I. I would like to tell here Every thing she does is magic, and is appreciated!

Her love is undescribable, unquestionable, and un measurable!

 If she doesn't believe this line, I would like to say I'm sorry if I have shown otherwise. 

I'm sorry for any unwanted emotions, stress, problems, and mistakes that I caused you, or responsible for!

I have learned that love is a feeling that can take you to heaven on earth, but also teach patience, trust, and understanding.

I am still learning about life and love everyday, and I find myself falling in love with Lisa more every second.

She does not believe when I say things like she is the most beautiful woman to me. That she has the most beautiful blue eyes. That I love you more than love itself. I could talk about her forever, but I will stop for now.

But, I do want to say a couple things to her.

Lisa, thank you for simply being you, and for all the years that you've been by side. Thank you for your love, and for helping create a baby girl, with eyes and a beauty thatonly you could have given MJ!

Thank you for all that you Do! Thank you for giving me hope for our future! Thank you for giving yourself to us, enriching our souls, and allowing our hearts to smile!

We will Love you always!

Thanks,

Wes & Malayna

 

 

 

Tags: love, souls, family, lisa