White Lihghts, Camera Action!

We had lots of family over on Sunday, and it rained seemingly forever. My dad started having nurses come to his house to assist him over this last weekend. He had to stay in the hospital last week to have his feeding tube in, he can still eat some foods though. Within the last few days I have noticed his hair loss, and that he has lost a few pounds already.

He says it's going to worse before it gets better. Still I can't get used to seeing Superman get beat down by the kryptnite called cancer. I feel joy inn his high spirits, and that family, friends, and strangers have been there for him. I never really knew that the treatments could make someone as energetic sleep so much.

My life has been so stressful, and draining the last few weeks. I feel like I need to get away for awhile, and find myself again. I feel I need to go somewhere nice for a few days, and build my energy back up. The problem is I don't really have anywhere to go to do this, and a place I could take my daughter along with. Like I'm going to call an old friend and say can my 17th month old, and I stay at your place for a few days.

I suggested this to my father and he said I was just running away, that if I did I would loose my wife, and everything I have for a family. This statement lacks personal details I wish I could discuss. I feel he is partly right, but also think if I go he will miss my daughter and I. Running away is not my plan, I just want to find something beautiful that our daughter and I could share.

Now if I left I would feel guilty leaving my family in this time of need. If I left I would be leaving my wife in the hands of a recently separated, three timing cheater she has made friends with at work. I would be depriving my daughter from seeing her family while we were gone.

I know given most of the facts I still wish to find some peace, but I will make it happen around here. No body has to tell me what I've know for years that our problems follow us where ever we go.

It is already September 16, it is almost my best friends Birthday. My friend Doug died a short while ago, I knew him since 1992. We used to hang out every B-day, then mine 2 weeks later. I am saddened for the fact that this will be the first one we can not do our usual get together. I will be sharing it with his twin brother instead, and going to find the time to visit his mom. She is a very special lady, a woman who would become my second mom.

My brother Don's 10 year death anniversary is coming up on November 8th, and I know it is on most of my family's mind. I will try to be the strength for my family again, and I will try to give the same support they need in these times of trouble. I have always found the strength inside to help others cope, but have struggled to keep my own balance.

I'm not saying these thing to be sad, or negative. But merely expressing how I have always tried to be there for family, and friends. Expressing how I want to be her for my family, and that includes my self. I'm so conflicted, and probably don't make much sense right now. The funny thing is I have found happiness that I didn't know I could find out of such a chaotic chart. I have found peace within myself on things I didn't know I needed to.

I have found love in all corners of my house, I have found love in my heart for self. I find it when I leave the house to pay a bill, get groceries, or go play with my daughter. Just today I lost count of all the pay it forwards I shared with others. I talked to several strangers that seem like angels, and felt no negativity in my path.

My daughter and I went out to eat at a Buffet today, and had someone come over and ask if MJ wanted to be in a commercial for the place. We were there eating any way, so I said alright. The only problem we had was we stayed for about three hours, and by the time they filmed us she was full. So I coaxed her into eating two bites of Ice-cream, had they only filmed minutes before.

She was a doll today, MJ said many words. We sang a few songs, read some books, and played some games while we waited. My favorite thing about the moment was when she squeezed me tight, and said "Mine". What she said was a very true statement, because no matter what I think, she owns me. No matter what happens in life, I will always be hers.

Whatever happens in our families future all the happiness, laughter, memories, and good times will always be ours. The special moments will echo forever in our hearts and minds. They will help the soul glow even brighter, and give us the strength to carry the weight together. I pray for all those in need in this world, and for my family. I pray it is not to late to make things right for the one's I love.

I wish to thank all my loved ones for everything they do !

 

Thanks,

Wes

Tags: friends, family, angels, and a Star.